zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm falling asleep at my desk at work. Didn't sleep until about half past six and I was up at ten past eight. Urgh. It's my own fault for napping. but it was a fantastic nap. I think it was almost worth it. And I'm going to buy a dinosaur lamp for my room. Not a lamp with dinosaurs on. A 3D dinosaur-shaped lamp, which the bulb goes inside. I want the diplodocus.
Today it's cold and rainy, which is mildly upsetting, but I have very voluminous hair, which is cheerier. I also have inexplicably dirty fingernails. I want today to go quiiiiickly so I can climb into bed and watch rubbish tv.

Yesterday I found out my ex-boyfriend's mum died a few days ago while he was on holiday. I didn't like her much. And I hate him. But it's sad, and I wish I could communicate to him that I am. But us talking doesn't work.
Brilliant week. I love road trips and sun. But I'm covered in bruises. Laminate laminate.

http://wellknowwhenwegetthere.blogspot.com/2009/08/sincerely-john-hughes.html

I found this.

The Longest Way 1.0 - one year walk/beard grow time lapse from Christoph Rehage on Vimeo.

pop the question

Very early on Sunday morning I was lying on my bed, texting a few friends, watching some youtube videos, la la la. My ex boyfriend was texting me a bit. Just to include the back story, we got together in fresher's week in my first, and his third year of uni. We lasted about 4 months, until he finished me. And that was about 18 months ago. Because he was at work (he's on nights right now) and was trying to get stuff done, he called me for a bit, instead of texting.
Chat chat chat, very nice. Then he says 'Can I tell you something?' This sort of sentence is the kind that fills me with dread. 'Yeah, course' is what I answer, but I'm already anxious about what's coming.
'You know we were planning that holiday?' He's referring to a pie-in-the-sky flight of fancy we had to go away together in June. It never materialised.
'Yeah'.
'Well, while we were there, I was planning to propose.'
'................................................propose..........marriage?'
'Yeah.'
'..........................Okay.......................'
I know. And, maybe you think this sounds strange and unexpected because you don't know the details. If you think that, you're wrong. This is exactly as strange and unexpected as it sounds. I was, quite literally, speechless.
He proceeded to tell me about how he'd picked out, with the help of a friend, and bought, a ring, and that he'd planned what to say, and where to do it. He also told me that he thought I'd probably say no, but that, in any case, he wanted me to know how much he cares for me.
This is a guy, who said he could never marry, because marriage is a sacred covenant between the couple and God, and he could never trust another person not to break the promise they'd both made to Him. This is a guy who finished with me because he said we wanted different things and therefore we had no future. A guy who slept with, and went out with someone else, barely weeks after we broke up.
Needless to say, I am still recovering from this news.... I think the only way I can come to terms with this is to compulsively ebay.

I love my friends :)

JP: I am with pugchick LOL
Me: Who the fuck is pugchick? Are you battered?x
JP: YRSSSSSD?
Me: ...right...
JP: Txt me in he morinjhg x
Me: Ha. Like you'll be up in the morning. You're cunted x
JP: Hidnis trueb. I love you ,,+
Me: I love you too you big manslag :) xxxx

I love it when musicians merge one song into another. Like Israel when he does 'Somewhere over the rainbow' and then it turns into 'What a wonderful world', and back again. I just heard it on Mission District's cover of 'Just dance', for a little bit it turned into 'Disturbia'.
I really like it :) It makes me feel clever. Ha.

I feel so frustrated. And not that way. Creatively. Or maybe, I'm not sure. I don't feel like I have the energy to be creative, but I'm desperate to be. And I spent money trying to encourage it. I spent a few hundred quid on new camera stuff a few months ago, and I've barely touched it.
I don't know.
I need to express myself somehow, because I can't talk to anybody. Maybe I'm making a big deal of nothing. I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time.
I'm watching Laputa Castle in the Sky. It just came yesterday in the post. I'm watching it dubbed, because I can't be bothered to follow the subtitles. Because I've got other windows open on the computer. But it makes me feel like I'm cheating, viewing it in a way other than it was envisaged. Studio Ghibli music is familiar and comforting.
Another maddening thing is that I really miss my friend who's away. And I have this horrible niggling feeling that won't go away, that I like him. And.... more than in the way I should. I keep pushing the feeling away though. I love it when anime characters are startled, and their hair stands on end. It's fantastic :)


Ugh. I don't know. I miss him alot. But I'm not sure whether I miss him for him, or whether I miss him for what he does for me. Is that bad? I can't tell. Like.... I don't talk to him about things. But I feel like if I wanted to, I could, and it wouldn't be awful, like it can be with some people. And he's so easy to be with. We don't have to be talking, or watching anything, or anywhere cool. We can just be. Oh, I really hope I'm not getting feelings for him again. It could go nowhere good. Really, he's the whole reason I first began watching anime films at all. Ugh. I'm so unoriginal. It's terrible, really.
On the upside, he's back in....5 days. So I've made it alot more than halfway. I can't even believe I'm talking about him like this.
At least, today, I like my hair cut more. Maybe it won't be a bad thing.