booooooooored

I'm at my friend's at the moment. It's 01:43, and everyone's asleep? What? I can't believe this news. Jesus.

grrrr

I was such a nice girlfriend! And now he's such an arse! Like, for example, he came to visit me at uni in May. And prior to this we hadn't had sex. And he suggested it, so I said yeah I'd love to. And then he came instantly and la la la and he went to pieces and I was so nice to him and I looked after him and made sure he was ok and helped him lots, and then eventually went on to basically eradicate his premature ejaculation, and now he won't even reply to a text? A TEXT? are you kidding me? I fucking hate him.

pleased :)

I'm so pleased. I feel really content. I'm laid in my bed, watching Curb your enthusiasm, talking to the boy I like, and I'm a little bit high. It's really lovely and mellow.
AND Mememolly posted another blog entry, which makes me happy.
I wish I hadn't smoked the last of my weed, but the last of it has pleased me somewhat. Roll on Christmas Day.

♥ Roamer

Me : (03:26:35)
oh god i hate feeling like this

him. : (03:26:40)
like what?

He's right. Like what? Sometimes I feel like I don't exist. Like I'm getting more and more transparent layer by layer. And when that happens I sort of feel like my brain is evaporating. And sometimes I feel like I'd like to die, really slowly and whispery.
I really do feel like I have no effect on things around me. Which is ridiculous because clearly I'm pressing keys on a keyboard.
I just made myself raspberry and pomegranate tea in my little willow patterned bowl again. But I still feel like I'm disappearing. And that I might be gone tomorrow. And that if I'm still here, I'll be unhappy forever.

My Trip Home

My Trip Home was so hard and stupid. It was really really windy and the wind kept blowing me out of my lane (particularly when overtaking lorries) and the rain was horrible. There was so much and it was so fast that even on the fastest settings my wipers couldn't cope. Especially when the spray from other drivers was getting in my windscreen. Oh, and my rear wiper died on me, so I couldn't see out of the back window, which rendered my rear view mirror pretty much redundant.

So because I didn't want to get overtaken by people due to the spray, I decided to only drive in the inside lane. So I was driving very quickly, about 90 (very quickly for me), and then, helpfully, my boot popped open! I didn't realise at first because I was listening very loudly to Crystal Method. But I felt a draft and then I realised. So I had to really quickly pull over to the hard shoulder - I nearly took out about a couple of cars in my panic - and shut the door.

Thankfully I didn't lose anything :)

ps

This morning there was a box of Thornton's chocolates on the table, and I ate three. If I'm going to keep this up I need to do more Davina! They were really yummy though ^^.

I realised yesterday that I am quite obsessed by heart shapes. The catalyst for this realisation was when I had to battle the urge to buy red heart shaped balloons from Paperchase (possibly my favourite store ever).
And now I just found myself searching Google Images for pictures of heart balloons. Oh dear. Although I have found an extremely lovely one.

I'm on my lunch at work. It's quite nice to blog in the office. It's raining like a bitch. It's the most beautiful noise. And there are the sounds of Christmas songs drifting up from downstairs. And I am all warm and not wet. I feel pretty good today. Although entirely shattered. I only managed to fall asleep about half past five, and I was up at eight. This is on top of the completely hideous 12 hour coach trip plus train journey that I completed yesterday evening. Ah well. That's globe trotting for you.

The local paper did a yearly round up of who's died this year (how festive) and my Best Friend was in it again. It was a nice piece (nothing new, just the same stuff, but they are always nice about her, obviously) but it made me sad. As well as that, her dad had sent round the Christmas family newsletter thing, so there was alot in about her, naturally. It's all just a bit horrible that's all. Well, completely devastating, but a bit horrible will suffice.

It's nearly the end of lunch, which annoys me a bit. I'm going to a friend's party tonight and I will see my two favourite boys in the whole world!! Yay for this!
(Groan). I know that Live Aid (and Live8) was a really good thing. And that 'Feed the World' raised loads of money for a really good cause. But Bono is a fucking twat.

♥

Christina Ricci is so beautiful.




And so is Daisy :)

new watch :)

Telling the time has never been better looking :)

Why I love Germany

Kölsch!!!!!

people are so stupid

People really annoy me. They are so sensitive and stupid. Then as soon as they've taken offense at something you've said, they chill out and are irritating. I can't handle it. It makes me want to stick knives in my skin. Fortunately I am completely happy with this. I actually can't stand people.

*edit: I don't remember writing this. Drunk maybe? Although still completely accurate. Especially when in reference to a particular person of my acquaintance.

hollydays

Firstly, I hate german keyboards.
There are umlauts all over the place instead of proper punctuation.
I wish I was pretty, but being away from home instead of being depressed over christmas and thinking about the boy is good.

Edit: I don't remember writing this. Or what the second point was going to be. Me thinks lots of Kölsch damages brain cells.

breakups

I swear to god (no capital g, nothing but atheism here) that there's something in the water. Everybody's breaking up.
Today I had a phone call from one of my closest friends. She's been with another friend of mine for the past 4 and a half years, and today they split up. While she was visiting him at uni. With his parents on the way to visit and when she had to go and watch him in a play. Absolutely dire. Plus his mother is an A grade nightmare.
In other news, I am home, and have been very very high, and am today to be found decorating christmas trees in my house. Lovely :)

*edit: My friend Stuart has asked if he can read this blog. I sort of want him to but I can't. So...

progress?

I've been feeling shitty for a few days. But today has actually been really good. I woke up about nine this morning, which is nice because then you feel like you get the whole day. And I stayed in bed until eleven because it was just too warm and toasty inside to leave.
Then I went to a class, which was nice because it meant i put on nice clothes and did my hair and makeup and stuff instead of just lounging in my pyjamas and hoodie all day, and I listened to Kings of Leon on my iPod which made me smile as I bopped down the street. Going to my class also made me feel like a good little student. Then I came back and power walked up the huge hill to my house, and then did my Davina workout dvd. Then I've just been chilling on my computer for most of the day. I did some more Davina to keep warm in our freezing house, and I watched some Sex and the City dvds, and I watched Amelie as I ate pasta.
I adore Amelie. I love the film, I love Audrey Tautou, but mostly I just love the character of Amelie. I always really want to be her friend, even though she's fictional. And the accordion music that accompanies the film is just brilliant.
I also had a lovely conversation with one of my oldest and closest friends today (oldest in the length of time I've known him, not his age).
Another lovely surprise was when my housemate came and sat in my room with her cat (I love them both dearly) and we had a chat which I thought had lasted about ten minutes, but was actually an hour long! Which made me happy because it means we're closer than I had previously imagined (not being very good friends with this housemate is a worry that sometimes crosses my mind).
And currently, I'm watching a Louis Theroux documentary while I talk to a boy who I really really get on with, but who I'm pretty sure nothing will happen with (which is nice and reassuring right now) but who does fancy me a little bit, which is nice and complimentary. I fancy him too, a little, which is nice because it makes it that little bit more special to talk to him. So today is good. Hopefully I am making progress. Watch this space....

*edit: Also, I'm going home this weekend (which does sort of fill me with anxiety because I haven't been home since me and the ex split. Even though I am certain not to run into him, the emotions and feelings etc of things connected with him is something I am worried about) and I'm going to get extremely high with my friend J, and hopefully have dinner with A and J2, and decorate our family tree! What isn't there to love about Christmas :)